From Trauma To Triumph

It's absolutely not a cliche' or just a catchy title when I say "from trauma to triumph." My road has been ROUGH from the very beginning. It is suspected that my molestation started as early as three and for sure ended when I was nine. It took me that long to garner to the courage to tell my parents that my abuser was inappropriately touching me. From there came a life long struggle to cope with the pain of this heinous reality. As molestation often does, a sexual curiosity became my first nature. Having been brought up as a devout Christian, attending church often 4 days a week, I had a constant internal struggle with the choices I was making vs the choices I should make.

My sexual nature led to pregnancy at 17 years old and the birth of my first child, my son, at 18. His father was never present, leaving me to raise him alone during his formative years. Just when my son and his father seemed to be heading into a normal father/son relationship,during my son's senior year of high school, his father committed suicide. I had no idea how much of an emotional impact his death would have on me and how difficult it would be for my son to navigate life having finally began the relationship with his father he longed for, just for it to abruptly and tragically end.

In the midst of dealing with the death of my son's father, I was also awaiting the finalization of a divorce to end a primarily unhappy 10 year marriage. While married, I and my children endured years of emotional neglect and abuse. This crippled my self-esteem and my self-worth. While I was happy to be rid of this toxic relationship, I was left to mend the pieces of my broken spirit.

Struggling just as I did when I was a child, 18 years to the date of my 1st unplanned pregnancy, I was pregnant again for another man who would also choose not to be a part of his child's life. Couple that with 2 daughters (from my marriage) now dealing with depression and suicidal ideation, plus a wayward son refusing to face the death of his father, I detached from the world and could no longer deny that I was in the depths of depression and needed a refuge.

I spoke to God fervently in prayer, angrily even, asking why I was constantly dealing with these struggles, I accepted full responsibility for my self-inflicted storms, but what about the other constant calamities of life forced on me? One thing about my God is that when you go to him with an open heart, and a spirit of expectancy, he will respond. I heard God clearly say to me that, "Your purpose is not for you." That my struggles were directly aligned with my gift and if I set my sites on pursuing my purpose, my crooked places would be made straight. Well me being me, naturally I had to start strong...and finish later. My habitual procrastination and just the requirements and gravity of working, coupled with single motherhood, got in the way. However, I eventually decided to walk in my purpose, and the path that God has me on, the gifts that he has me unwrapping before the world, are truly a treasure and most certainly triumphant.