Self Inflicted Storms

Once upon a time, I got married. YIKES!!!! With the exception of my kids, some life gains, and the lessons that I learned, it was ALL BAD and that's ALL MY FAULT! Listen! I've come to realize that it's beyond important to understand our own part in the way situations play out in our lives. When we ignore blaring red flags in the name of love or loneliness, we don't get to put the blame solely on the person who hurt us when we get hurt. We, both men and women alike, but primarily women, have a tendency to want to fix things. We want to nurture, mold, and polish things to our liking. That's ultimately where we become the orchestrators of our own pain. We run into thunderstorms expecting sunshine and then get mad at the rain when we get drenched. HELLERRR! Did you hear me? Read that line again.

The Danger of Fairytales is a poem in my newest release, Confessions of a Tired Heart. It's only six lines, but it's a powerful poem that talks about how little girls are taught at a very early age that love is their salvation. What a dangerous narrative we've blindly been force-fed and continue to force feed to our children. I challenge you to think of a Disney movie or show, where there isn't a subplot of love. So then, we go on to grow up seeking this perfect man who will save us or complete us. Consequently, we overlook dangerous, inexcusable realities that will only serve to tear us down as we endure them day after day, month after month, and year after year, in relationships that have not been constructed or approved by God. We forfeit our peace for the sake of love and the right of passage into the failing institution of matrimony. Then we have the audacity to create our own little storm clouds and now we and our littles are in a perpetual state of self-inflicted trauma.

My point is, whether it's marriage or money, whether it's friendship or credit, be aware of the role you're playing in your own unhappiness. It's so easy to point the finger at the person or the thing that's causing us pain, but how are you aiding and abetting in your own frustration? As I tell my children, be unapologetic in your pursuit to love yourself first. Then and only then will you have a blueprint of what the person who says they want to love you should be able to contribute to your healthy and whole heart.